Sheeba's Old View from the Window

What happened? What's happening. Sheeba's view from the window. Mine, on occasion, from wherever. Yours, from ... where.......?

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Samiya Bashir’s books of poetry, Field Theories (Spring 2017), Gospel, andWhere the Apple Falls, and anthologies, including Role Call: A Generational Anthology of Social & Political Black Literature & Art, exist. Sometimes she makes poems of dirt. Sometimes zeros and ones. Sometimes variously rendered text. Sometimes light. She lives in Portland, Ore, with a magic cat who shares her obsessions with trees and blackbirds and occasionally crashes her classes and poetry salons at Reed College.

samiya bashir dot com


Saturday, January 29, 2005

Election Predictions!




Notes on this blog: (1) I am prone to rampant and ill-advised neologism (2) There are a lot of links. Holding shift when pressing a link will open the link in a new browser, allowing you to maintain continuity on this blog (3) All apparent grammatical errors are actually in place for comedic effect.

The candidates (all 7,000) have finished up their campaigning (mostly ducking), the electorate have thoughtfully weighed their options (they've had nearly 72 hours), the voting booths are open (if you have the password). Let's have us an ol' fashioned free and fair election! Iraqis across Iraq are ready to vote for their next President! No? Prime Minister! No? Umm.... Commander-in-chief? They don't have one of those yet? Alright.... Senators? Close enough! Turns out, Iraqis don't need to know the names of those stupid candidates anyway because they get to vote for political parties (just 109) instead! The parties that get at least one 275th of the popular vote will get to appoint their candidates, in proportion to the votes the party received, to the 275-member Transitional National Assembly, and then those guys, should they make it to the first session once their names are known, will get around to selecting prime ministers and presidents and what have you.

So, as of this sentence, it is 11:33pm in Washington, which means it's 7:33am in Baghdad, which means..... HAPPY FIRST ELECTION , IRAQ! In keeping with the air of general merriment that must be lightening the steps of Sunnis and Shiites alike, I'd like to make a few lighthearted predictions:


  1. Of the 14 million or so Iraqis eligible to vote, all 14 million will make it to the booths today. What's that you say? 1 million Iraqis have signed against the election, swearing not to take part? Fine. 13 million.
  2. All the insurgents were just blowing smoke, and don't really intend to disrupt the elections. So, no violence today in Iraq. Oops! OK, starting now. Uh oh! OK, now.
  3. Women will be elected to exactly one-third of the seats. Alright, so it's impossible for that not to happen (read "Who is running"). This one's a shoe-in. Also, all of my predictions are shoe-ins.
  4. The White House definitely won't downplay the importance of the election after its spectacular failure. Also, there's no way in hell they'll say that high voter turnout is not necessary for a democratic election, citing America's low turnout as an example, because they'll have already realized the obvious counterpoint: that American's choosing not to vote don't do so out of fear of being publicly deheadified.
  5. The elections in Ramadi, the city sometimes citied as the litmus test for success, sometimes as the fulcrum of doom, will go off with cog-like regularity and precision. Also, even though every single police officer in Ramadi quit (search for "walkout") a couple days back, they'll have a change of heart and escort elderly ladies to the booths en masse.
  6. The plan to apply permanent blue ink to the fingers of every voter (to prevent revoting and mark them for deheadifying) will turn out not to be the most recklessly fucking idiotic idea in the history of the world.
So there you have it folks. Iraq is the newest member of the West, with its very own shiny new liberal democracy. It's been a long, bomb-laden road, but I think most Iraqis will look back and see the past two years as necessary for their newfound bliss. I certainly feel that way with my feet up in the basement of my townhouse in Shiny, oops I mean Sterling, Virginia. Would I vote today in Iraq if I could, you ask? Fuck no.

Hi Sheeba.

13 Comments:

Blogger ScryptKeeper said...

Hey K,

So, listen, I don't normally post comments on my own blog and what not ... but I thought I'd first reply to your thoughtful hello at the bottom of your equally thoughtful Election Day Rant.

I'd blog a bit more myself right now, but as a Sunni (long story) I'm pretty much just chilling out under the sofa all day. I've got beer. I've got 9-Lives Turkey (Flavor) Pate (with Real Meat!). I've got the TV clicker and the shades are drawn.

I got a chance to listen to Laura Flanders, live from San Francisco, last night. But didn't hear much. I was in a taxicab. You know they don't really have actual antennaes on those things anymore? Damn shame.

Eh, I digress. Bottom line: Iraqis -- don't believe the hype. Americans -- don't believe the hype. Sunnis -- don't believe the hype. Shiites -- don't believe the hype.

Everyone who's not comfortably posted up in a basement in Virgina, or under a well-stocked sofa in Manhattan (2nd floor apartment, near enough to the doorframes to feel Cali-Comfy) -- please, trust me, don't believe the hype.

More tomorrow ... once "an interim government has been put in place and we can begin implementing our exit strategy to bring our troops back home from a free, orderly, and democratic Iraq." Heh. Heh. Sigh.

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